As I'm sure some of us who write often do (whether realizing it or not), there's a little piece of the author within their story. I've been on a roll with one of my stories when I suddenly thought of my first work, which will never be published as it is just a jumbled mess of words. My mind went to a few scenes where I went: "Hmm, I remember writing that. I was thoroughly pissed off at the world. And that one, oh I was so happy. And that, well, funny story...." And so on and so forth. You can really tell what emotion I was feeling when I wrote something. Hell, I even created a few characters just to beat up on; I'm so nice, aren't I? But over the years since I started writing, I've used it as an outlet. A way to let out my stress and vent in a way that I felt comfortable with. Some of the problems I was dealing with were of that wonderful variety where you didn't really have anyone to talk to. I still thank my old college suite-mate for dragging me to her Graphic Novel Club (not that kind of graphic novel!). She was really big into comics and thought that a club for her and her friends would be fun. I'll admit, I'm not that big into most comics, I prefer the occasional manga/anime, but there were a few fun activities. One of which was a Character Creation where we were given three words. Mine were "light", "evil", and "squirrel". Yes, squirrel. That threw me for a loop, but I came up with a misunderstood evil vampire who had a pet squirrel. Squirrel problem solved! Bonus points would be given for a background story. Then we had a competition, character vs. character! I made it to the final round but some guy with a gazebo in his stomach beat me. Needless to say, that started my first story. It shall remain as such, my twisted little story, never to be published. However, I realized that other ideas began swimming around my mind and when they couldn't be applied to my first work, I started the pile I have growing in my Dropbox folder.
The ideas that start each of my stories vary: an rp I was involved in, just having a beer with a couple friends (I'm of age, duh), seeing a picture somewhere, or staring off into space (which happens more than I'll admit). But after I get the original story, how do I keep it going? Fill in the blanks and make it flow? Honestly, pray to God that something I write works. Yet, inspiration for me also comes from myself. A childhood memory. A fight with someone. A situation I stepped into. Even things that I saw other people do. Sorry, I'm a bit of a creeper. Watching people can be really entertaining! Some of you agree with me, come on, don't deny it! While in college, I would go to Panera and study. There were five spots that I claimed, well preferred since I couldn't exactly place a plaque over the seat saying it was mine. Well, three of those spots had the perfect view of the street corner I was on and where I went to college, there was plenty of interesting people. So many fun times. It also didn't help that for half my papers for my major involved observation and/or interviewing. I learned a lot about my friends and that annoy kid I nicknamed "Stripes" (he was wearing a striped shirt when I first saw him, made sense to me). Though, I'm great at writing research papers, stories were more of a challenge for me. Yes, it was my release, but ideas didn't really hit me like a brick wall. Since I started writing my third-year, homework, papers, and stories fought for my attention. Sometimes I blew off homework just to write. Smart me, I know, and yes, it bit me a couple times. That was when I learned to carry around a notebook strictly dedicated to writing ideas down. My story journal in a way. I've filled two notebooks by now and am working on my third. Never go anywhere without it. Case in point, it's sitting right here beside me, not that you could see it though. Just take my word.
What I mostly wrote about, when I read back upon it now, I can easily see what I was going through, the emotional state I was in. Writing for me came at the perfect time in my life. Soon after I started, my best friend and I had a major fight, my relationships became all kinds of screwy, I thought I had a boyfriend (turned out he was just using me), and there were some personal family issues as well. Lucky me! But what could I do? Screaming to the heavens wouldn't help. Bottling up my frustration would destroy me. So, when I hid in my room and my story was on my screen, I slipped into a wonderful state of bliss. I would write and write and write until the early hours of morning. My frustrations becoming those of my characters. Their problems were once mine, though slightly different since I clearly am not a vampire with a pet squirrel. For example, I grew up around horses and I played soccer. More than a couple of my stories have soccer in them, a few characters play on a fairly regular basis. Shadows has some equestrian scenes, simply because I watched my sister ride a day before I wrote the scene. Other tidbits of me in my stories include favorite foods, drinks, sports, habits, even to what kind of car I had driven. I lose any and every talent I have for originality so I'm like "What closer hair should he have? Brown is good. Now, what should they drink? I'm drinking a mocha, there we go! My character is now obsessed with coffee! What are they doing? Hmm... Typing on their computer, sending an email? What about just reading an a book? Yeah, that'll work." So very original, right? We all have those moments where nothing comes to you so your current environment becomes your story. If I had to write something now, it would be about a girl sitting in a cafe, drinking her green tea, working on her laptop, while being annoyed by the loud group of girls behind her.
So, I guess if I had to summarize my rant, a little piece of a writer is in their work. Wait, that's just restating my first sentence to this thing! How about, your stories reveal more to you than you'd like. When you write about a character who is down on his luck, having a hard time, even being thrown into a fight, is it because that is how the story is supposed to flow, or because that is how you feel at that moment? I'm beyond guilty with that. You can read me like a book in my work! We all feel love, loss, joy, and anger, but we express them differently. Where I chose to dive into writing, someone else could hit the gym or chat with their friends. Outlets help with the frustration. Which outlet we take depends upon what we feel comfortable with. To each of my readers, how do you express yourself? If you write, do you see parts of yourself in your work? Then again, if you do see yourself, is it a reflection of yourself that you like? We all know that life isn't all rainbows and unicorns, sunshine and daisies. So if you see a darker you, it's alright. I have my dark moments too. We're all weird in our own little way!
Come check me out!
I've done it. I'm offically a published author! When I hit submit on my projects, I was filled with a mixure of fear, anticipation, and excitement. But mostly fear. It was terrifying! Although it was scary, I'm hoping the reward would be worth it. All the hard work, late nights, one too many sodas. In the end, all I want is to share Ghost's story with everyone. Hope you all enjoy Ghost's story! 
OMG! Not even joking about this, but Ghost will offically be up within the next day or two! Depending on how fast Nook and Amazon publish it, of course. I'll post the links when they become available. 
Yeah, the picture is one that reminds of my character I'm envisioning, minus the cigarette, none of my characters smoke. But that would be Mr. Waiter as he works. He leans toward the professional in his activities, be it as a waiter or assassin. Though he does have his moments, allowing a pinch of madness to seep through when he is in a situation where he can spill blood. One of the side effects of being the Ghost I guess. Kind of makes me wonder how I come up with these types of characters and what must be going on in my head! Seriously though, I'm loving his character and am thinking about pushing him into a situation where he questions his life as the Ghost and what he wants with Anna. Just thinking out loud.
Hello peoples! Geez, I just can't get a break. I tell myself to go post something on here then, as the universe would have it, stuff happens! To put it simply, it's been a weird week. On the bright side, went to an antique show just west of town! You know, one of those shows that are out in the middle of nowhere Texas where you have no phone service? Yeah, that kind of fun! My friend asked if I wanted to 
Then days like yesterday come around. Not going to complain, I had a lot of fun at the beach with my friend and her fiancé. But as much as I tell myself that I’m fine with my singleness, I really miss being in a relationship. I could see the love that my friends have for each other and honestly, I was a little jealous. I miss having someone to laugh with, to hold, to be there when I’m lonely or having a bad day. I really miss hugs and the goofing off. Watching them together, yeah, that little jealous green eyed monster wanted to make an appearance. Still, I love my friend and her fiancé, and I’m truly happy for them. They’re perfect for each other! Besides, I have teeth to hate me. Kept up with my own personal tradition that whenever I'm at a beach, I get a bag of saltwater taffy. That stuff is delicious!
It's been a weird week. You know what I want to do? Take a night to enjoy a campfire and stare at the stars! Or dive back into a series I'm reading. Jennifer Armentrout's Covenant series is really good, and I don't fangirl ever, but I think I'm crushing on Aiden! Damn Jennifer wrote a good series. Picked up Half-Blood by chance a couple years ago and recently realized that it was part of a series. Yeah, sometimes I'm stupid when it comes to realizing there's a series. I'm weird like that. However, reading has become one of my favorite ways of relaxing, up until I get obsessed with reading and I stay up until 4am. Since the vast majority of my books are on my Nook, I'm not helping my eyes. After so long, I get a headache from eyestrain then I'm forced to lay down and go to bed. But what I really find funny about myself is that I used to despise reading. Wouldn't pick up a book unless I had too. Even then I would drag out my excuses to keep from reading. Then sometime during my third year in college, a switch flipped. I picked up a book I had bought years earlier because I thought it looked good and I couldn't stop. That year, my dad gave me a Nook as a birthday present and I still say that was the best gift ever! I read between classes, between needing to study, whenever I could really. Talk about obsessed! Then writing wove its way in and I still have no idea how I graduated.
So what am I supposed to do when my patience is tested and I'm at my wit's end? Personally, I try to take a step back and think things through rationally. Works for a good five minutes in my current situation. Then when I try talking to the girl, it goes in one ear and out the other. It seems that nothing I've said reaches her. All I'm trying to do is help, give her advice. Some of what she's been through, I have experience in. So when she doesn't listen to me or my dad (who she looks up to) I feel useless. Why help if I know she won't listen? She knows that I can help, I've gone to college and my major is one that is useful to her. I know I'm not telling you her problems, I want to, but it's not my place to say. All I will say is that most people in her situation would be either in juvie or on the streets. So, not good. Yeah. But alas, there is hope. She wants to change. Despite whatever else is going to happen, she just needs someone to encourage her and be a good influence. She's a good kid, just been misguided. Crossing my fingers hoping all goes well.
