Lost Love Life

Lately, I’ve had flashbacks to the old me. where today I smile, am optimistic, and generally happy-go-lucky, I used to be cold, bitter, and a bit grumpy. My heart was hardened, I didn’t believe in love. Quite simply, I was a lost soul and it sucked!

During recent reflections, I realized that I used to believe that I couldn’t love, that love was an illusion. Only people I cared for was family, but for years, I refused to say “I love you,” except to two people. Sad, I know. So, why was I so cold? Well, my parents divorced, but during that time, during the years of arguing and legal crap, I learned and heard things that not only hurt, but chipped away at my trust in people. Then in college, I had a few personal fiascoes. Some family related, others school, and, of course, relationships-wise as well.

Now, my dating life is less than spectacular. I had my crushes, I had a few boyfriends over the years, but one thing bothered me, I would typically be in a relationship for a few months at best. Just for laughs, my favorite break-up was when he broke up with me via Facebook. My roommate looked at me and said, “Hey, I didn’t know you two broke up.” Neither had I and I burst out laughing. I had been planning on breaking up with him anyway except face-to-face. But that guy is long gone. In 2012, I met someone else, we got engaged, moved in together, and we split this past January. Oh the joys of being single!

Then days like yesterday come around. Not going to complain, I had a lot of fun at the beach with my friend and her fiancé. But as much as I tell myself that I’m fine with my singleness, I really miss being in a relationship. I could see the love that my friends have for each other and honestly, I was a little jealous. I miss having someone to laugh with, to hold, to be there when I’m lonely or having a bad day. I really miss hugs and the goofing off. Watching them together, yeah, that little jealous green eyed monster wanted to make an appearance. Still, I love my friend and her fiancé, and I’m truly happy for them. They’re perfect for each other!  Besides, I have teeth to hate me.  Kept up with my own personal tradition that whenever I'm at a beach, I get a bag of saltwater taffy.  That stuff is delicious!

Besides, I have my cuddle-buddy, Motley, my cat! She’s my little fluffball. Yeah, I’m on track to be a crazy cat lady! Kidding! As for me getting back out there, I suck. I don’t know where to go to meet people. As much as I want to believe that I can meet someone at a coffee shop, I don’t think that’s going to happen for me. hell, I live on the outer edges of a major city and I can’t meet people! There’s something wrong with me. Geez, I’ve become anti-social. But I’ve never been the type to just walk up to some random person and say hi. Silly, but I’m kind of shy. Since I’ve moved back here, my childhood home, I’ve been lost. I came back home and have been kind of hiding. As I joke with one of my friends, I’ve become a hermit! What? I like my little hidey hole. Just don’t know what to do outside of it.

However, despite my romantic troubles, I’m glad that I’ve crawled out of my emotional black hole. Life is so much brighter! Guess all I need to do now is cross my fingers and step outside my door and hope I meet some fun people.

And, for your amusement, my favorite commercial from the Simpson's mega marathon last week!  I couldn't help but laugh whenever I saw this!