Piece by Piece

     As I'm sure some of us who write often do (whether realizing it or not), there's a little piece of the author within their story.  I've been on a roll with one of my stories when I suddenly thought of my first work, which will never be published as it is just a jumbled mess of words.  My mind went to a few scenes where I went: "Hmm, I remember writing that.  I was thoroughly pissed off at the world.  And that one, oh I was so happy.  And that, well, funny story...."  And so on and so forth.  You can really tell what emotion I was feeling when I wrote something.  Hell, I even created a few characters just to beat up on; I'm so nice, aren't I?  But over the years since I started writing, I've used it as an outlet.  A way to let out my stress and vent in a way that I felt comfortable with.  Some of the problems I was dealing with were of that wonderful variety where you didn't really have anyone to talk to.  I still thank my old college suite-mate for dragging me to her Graphic Novel Club (not that kind of graphic novel!).  She was really big into comics and thought that a club for her and her friends would be fun.  I'll admit, I'm not that big into most comics, I prefer the occasional manga/anime, but there were a few fun activities.  One of which was a Character Creation where we were given three words.  Mine were "light", "evil", and "squirrel".  Yes, squirrel.  That threw me for a loop, but I came up with a misunderstood evil vampire who had a pet squirrel.  Squirrel problem solved!  Bonus points would be given for a background story.  Then we had a competition, character vs. character!  I made it to the final round but some guy with a gazebo in his stomach beat me.  Needless to say, that started my first story.  It shall remain as such, my twisted little story, never to be published.  However, I realized that other ideas began swimming around my mind and when they couldn't be applied to my first work, I started the pile I have growing in my Dropbox folder.

     The ideas that start each of my stories vary: an rp I was involved in, just having a beer with a couple friends (I'm of age, duh), seeing a picture somewhere, or staring off into space (which happens more than I'll admit).  But after I get the original story, how do I keep it going?  Fill in the blanks and make it flow?  Honestly, pray to God that something I write works.  Yet, inspiration for me also comes from myself.  A childhood memory.  A fight with someone.  A situation I stepped into.  Even things that I saw other people do.  Sorry, I'm a bit of a creeper.  Watching people can be really entertaining!  Some of you agree with me, come on, don't deny it!  While in college, I would go to Panera and study.  There were five spots that I claimed, well preferred since I couldn't exactly place a plaque over the seat saying it was mine.  Well, three of those spots had the perfect view of the street corner I was on and where I went to college, there was plenty of interesting people.  So many fun times.  It also didn't help that for half my papers for my major involved observation and/or interviewing.  I learned a lot about my friends and that annoy kid I nicknamed "Stripes" (he was wearing a striped shirt when I first saw him, made sense to me).  Though, I'm great at writing research papers, stories were more of a challenge for me.  Yes, it was my release, but ideas didn't really hit me like a brick wall.  Since I started writing my third-year, homework, papers, and stories fought for my attention.  Sometimes I blew off homework just to write.  Smart me, I know, and yes, it bit me a couple times.  That was when I learned to carry around a notebook strictly dedicated to writing ideas down.  My story journal in a way.  I've filled two notebooks by now and am working on my third.  Never go anywhere without it.  Case in point, it's sitting right here beside me, not that you could see it though.  Just take my word.

     What I mostly wrote about, when I read back upon it now, I can easily see what I was going through, the emotional state I was in.  Writing for me came at the perfect time in my life.  Soon after I started, my best friend and I had a major fight, my relationships became all kinds of screwy, I thought I had a boyfriend (turned out he was just using me), and there were some personal family issues as well.  Lucky me!  But what could I do?  Screaming to the heavens wouldn't help.  Bottling up my frustration would destroy me.  So, when I hid in my room and my story was on my screen, I slipped into a wonderful state of bliss.  I would write and write and write until the early hours of morning.  My frustrations becoming those of my characters.  Their problems were once mine, though slightly different since I clearly am not a vampire with a pet squirrel.  For example, I grew up around horses and I played soccer.  More than a couple of my stories have soccer in them, a few characters play on a fairly regular basis.  Shadows has some equestrian scenes, simply because I watched my sister ride a day before I wrote the scene.  Other tidbits of me in my stories include favorite foods, drinks, sports, habits, even to what kind of car I had driven.  I lose any and every talent I have for originality so I'm like "What closer hair should he have?  Brown is good.  Now, what should they drink?  I'm drinking a mocha, there we go!  My character is now obsessed with coffee!  What are they doing?  Hmm...  Typing on their computer, sending an email?  What about just reading an a book?  Yeah, that'll work."  So very original, right?  We all have those moments where nothing comes to you so your current environment becomes your story.  If I had to write something now, it would be about a girl sitting in a cafe, drinking her green tea, working on her laptop, while being annoyed by the loud group of girls behind her.

     So, I guess if I had to summarize my rant, a little piece of a writer is in their work.  Wait, that's just restating my first sentence to this thing!  How about, your stories reveal more to you than you'd like.  When you write about a character who is down on his luck, having a hard time, even being thrown into a fight, is it because that is how the story is supposed to flow, or because that is how you feel at that moment?  I'm beyond guilty with that.  You can read me like a book in my work!  We all feel love, loss, joy, and anger, but we express them differently.  Where I chose to dive into writing, someone else could hit the gym or chat with their friends.  Outlets help with the frustration.  Which outlet we take depends upon what we feel comfortable with.  To each of my readers, how do you express yourself?  If you write, do you see parts of yourself in your work?  Then again, if you do see yourself, is it a reflection of yourself that you like?  We all know that life isn't all rainbows and unicorns, sunshine and daisies.  So if you see a darker you, it's alright.  I have my dark moments too.  We're all weird in our own little way!